The one where I apologize.

January has been a tough month for everyone who had to put up with me.  I wanted the month to be about spiritual growth and awareness.  Instead I have complained about everything to everyone who would listen.  I have so much stress, I whine.  Work is so hard.  Jack Junior is getting so whiny.  I don’t know how we are going to manage this move.  I don’t have time for anything.  Election year politics drive me nuts.

My biggest complaint has been that I’m nine months pregnant.  Get him out already, I’d say to anyone who asked.  I even went as far as to post this status to my facebook page.  “No, I haven’t had the baby yet.  Keep your comments to yourself.”  How rude.  And how dishonest I’ve been.

Here’s the truth – I love being pregnant.  I love feeling my little boy’s gymnastics and hiccups.  I love being aware of the growth within me as he slowly runs out of space and summersaults turn into wiggles and rolls.  This pregnancy has been textbook easy after our loss in August.  I may never get to experience this again, so I vow to stop complaining.  Here’s a little more truth.  If I wanted, I could have scheduled a c-section much earlier (this week in fact), but I chose to give this little man as much time as he wanted to take before intervening.

So baby, I apologize to you.  You take your time.  I am your Mommy, I love you, and I want what’s best for you.  To everyone else – I’m sorry that I complained to you about what is truthfully a huge blessing.  My family will get to welcome a little boy we already love so much.  Not everyone is this lucky.  We almost weren’t.

This makes me think about all those other complaints – maybe none of them are true either.  My job can be frustrating, but I have a job.  I am challenged to use my talents and to develop new skills.  I love that.

My son is almost two.  He is learning new things every day and one of the things he learned this month is that Mommy is stressed and uses complaining and whining to cope.  Hmm.  The truth is that I adore that boy.  The truth is that I laugh out loud at his antics at least once a day.  My husband and I nudge each other to point out something funny he says or does frequently.  He is smart, and funny, and active.  As soon as I’m able, we’ll go to the park, put baby brother down on a blanket, and chase each other all over the place.  I can’t wait.

The move?  That is what it is.  We are lucky – many things will be arranged for us, and we have already made so many new friends who are eager to share their help and experience.

Election year politics though? That does drive me nuts.  Please let it be over soon, or let people return to civilized interaction.

This is Vital

My blog quietly turned one year old this month. Happy birthday poor neglected little blog.

When I started this blog, I wanted it to be about finding balance. – I work in a challenging environment and like my career. I’m also a mom and love to spend meaningful time with my little guy. I love being creative – cooking, baking, sewing, generally making things for my family and our home. I dream of writing, taking great pictures, traveling. I know I can’t do it all but I want to be sure that the way I chose to spend my time but those things that are most vital first.

If I have learned anything this year, it is that I don’t have it figured out. I am welcoming another little boy to our home, and my time will become even more precious, my choices more important, the stakes higher.

So I’m doing what I know best – start where you are. Ask for help. Trust your instincts.

Where I am:
My husband and my son are the most vital ingredients to this life I’m trying to live.
A new baby needs love, a mom who is present, and not much else.
My work is important to me, but I am surrounded by capable, wonderful colleagues who will happily help despite their own workload.
Doing something creative as frequently as I can, renews my spirit and is the most refreshing me-time.

Ask for help:
When I felt anxious about my impending responsibilities the past few weeks, the world has certainly reached out to bless me – from blog posts that seemed written just for me, to calls from friends who have been there. Here’s some of the blogs and women who helped- even though they don’t even know me:

This Big Sister’s Advice

Parenting – I’m Totally Winging It

Letter to a New Mom

New Baby Anxiety

It’s Not Rocket Science

Raising Up

Now, all that’s left to do, is to trust my instincts that what I do will be the right thing, and to keep doing it.

Thanks for reading this year. I look forward to sharing my journey with you as I learn more about what is vital.

What I’m Reading – January 2012

On my Kindle right now… Percy Jackson books from the library, a book on electronic scrap booking, and a few other things.  The serious reading list is this though:

I love “Make the Bread, Buy the Butter.”  I have made a few things from this book already, and it is a fun (and funny read.)  Probably something I’ll refer to for a while.

“What’s It Like to be Married to Me” is not fun.  At all.  It is challenging and hard to face.  Which probably means I need to do it.  I have made a chapter a week required reading, so it will take a while to get through it.

“The Expert Expat” is basically getting used to make more (longer) lists of questions right now.  More to come I’m sure.

“Handmade Beginnings” was a much desired Christmas gift, and I can’t wait to make those adorable quick-change pants for my boys.

Tracy Hogg is a classic amongst my friends.  While I do somewhere between her methods and a few others, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to re-read a few parts just to get myself ready.

What are you reading?

Home-made things

Since I didn’t really want to post Christmas things before Christmas (can’t ruin any surprises now can we?)  I thought I’d show you the little elving that did happen.

Earrings:  I used the Martha Stewart ideas… there is another pair but I didn’t send them out yet, so no picture.

My forest:  This forest was supposed to become part of this cake decoration, but it is one of the things that got scaled back big time.  Instead, the forest made itself at home between my beloved german Christmas decorations on the mantel, and I loved it so much, that cake may not happen this year either.  If it does, there may have to be even more trees.

Oh, and I had every intention of making fabric gift bags this year, but since I didn’t, Jack Jr. had plenty of art to share.

We’ll be better next year…  maybe.