January has been a tough month for everyone who had to put up with me.  I wanted the month to be about spiritual growth and awareness.  Instead I have complained about everything to everyone who would listen.  I have so much stress, I whine.  Work is so hard.  Jack Junior is getting so whiny.  I don’t know how we are going to manage this move.  I don’t have time for anything.  Election year politics drive me nuts.

My biggest complaint has been that I’m nine months pregnant.  Get him out already, I’d say to anyone who asked.  I even went as far as to post this status to my facebook page.  “No, I haven’t had the baby yet.  Keep your comments to yourself.”  How rude.  And how dishonest I’ve been.

Here’s the truth – I love being pregnant.  I love feeling my little boy’s gymnastics and hiccups.  I love being aware of the growth within me as he slowly runs out of space and summersaults turn into wiggles and rolls.  This pregnancy has been textbook easy after our loss in August.  I may never get to experience this again, so I vow to stop complaining.  Here’s a little more truth.  If I wanted, I could have scheduled a c-section much earlier (this week in fact), but I chose to give this little man as much time as he wanted to take before intervening.

So baby, I apologize to you.  You take your time.  I am your Mommy, I love you, and I want what’s best for you.  To everyone else – I’m sorry that I complained to you about what is truthfully a huge blessing.  My family will get to welcome a little boy we already love so much.  Not everyone is this lucky.  We almost weren’t.

This makes me think about all those other complaints – maybe none of them are true either.  My job can be frustrating, but I have a job.  I am challenged to use my talents and to develop new skills.  I love that.

My son is almost two.  He is learning new things every day and one of the things he learned this month is that Mommy is stressed and uses complaining and whining to cope.  Hmm.  The truth is that I adore that boy.  The truth is that I laugh out loud at his antics at least once a day.  My husband and I nudge each other to point out something funny he says or does frequently.  He is smart, and funny, and active.  As soon as I’m able, we’ll go to the park, put baby brother down on a blanket, and chase each other all over the place.  I can’t wait.

The move?  That is what it is.  We are lucky – many things will be arranged for us, and we have already made so many new friends who are eager to share their help and experience.

Election year politics though? That does drive me nuts.  Please let it be over soon, or let people return to civilized interaction.